Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
