I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
