You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
