How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I will pee on everything he values.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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