Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize