she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
