she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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