there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
