you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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