I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
