Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
