What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
