Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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