Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
