Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
