What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
