The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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