oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
