I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
