Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
