Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
