plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
