I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
