Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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