Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
