does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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