a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am one with the molecules
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
