Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
