In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
