Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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