just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
