Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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