Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
