you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize