I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
