she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
MIDGETS
????
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
