I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
