Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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