i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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