i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
