Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
