Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
