my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude i'm inner monologue high
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
