that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
