we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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