you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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