rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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