Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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