Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
