yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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