Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
