My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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