I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
