I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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