New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
