he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
