just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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