Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
