I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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