I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
