She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
