why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
