i just wanna soil my oats bro
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
