sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
