im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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