I smell stomach acid.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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