Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
