is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
