i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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