it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
