the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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