My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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