we have pet lesbian snakes
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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