I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
