i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
