Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
