Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
