I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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