I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
