Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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