I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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