Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
