i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
