feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
