I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
