You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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