There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
