i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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