So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
