so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
worst night to have a conscience
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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