I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
