you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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