i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
