Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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