It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this will be a night to untag.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
