i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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