i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my shit smells like andre
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
