not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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