arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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