Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
