He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
