Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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