I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
