Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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